I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
