Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
