oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
