I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
