I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
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His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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