We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
