Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
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