Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
