I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
