The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
