I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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