i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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