So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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