actually, I'm a sock model
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
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I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
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Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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