By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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