I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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