You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
