hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
