Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
