is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
You took a bar mat shot.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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