sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
