So drunk its hurt
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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