dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
