sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
