My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
