ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
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there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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