k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
