its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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