very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I got inside last night via doggy door
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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