i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
