literally had 100 drinks last night.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
