When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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