We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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