dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
