sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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