If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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