My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize