you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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