dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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