Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
