I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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