Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Everyone says I win the strip club
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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