Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
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yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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