She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
