see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
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Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
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I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off