I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.