So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho