dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
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Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
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Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time