Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.