So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
