do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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