i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
