I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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