The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
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