Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
