You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
