Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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