I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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