Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
pop tarts are not kleenex
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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