i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
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When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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