He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
