You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
