I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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