Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
