This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
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Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
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Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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