Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
